By Wondering if you’re suffering codependency? Read this article to get every nitty-gritty on codependency and codependent books that help you with this behavior.
What is Codependency?
Codependency is defined as a psychological, emotional, physical, and/or spiritual reliance on a spouse, friend, or family member.
“The phrase was initially coined in the context of Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1950s to support spouses of individuals who misused substances, and who were intertwined in the toxic lives of those they cared for,” explains Dr. Renee Elbert, a professional psychologist and author located in New York.
This is still true, but codependency now encompasses a far broader spectrum. Codependency is neither a clinical diagnostic nor a formally classified personality disorder in and of itself. Codependency, in general, involves features of early childhood attachment style patterns, and it can also overlap with other personality disorders, such as dependent personality disorder.
Forms of Codependency
Codependency can take many forms and have varied degrees of intensity. “Fundamentally, it is due to a weak self-concept and poor boundaries, including an inability to have an opinion or say no,” explains Dr. Mark Mayfield, a registered professional counsellor (LPC).
He goes on to say that codependency can emerge in a variety of situations, including
- Parent-child
- Partner-partner
- Spouse-spouse
- Coworker-boss.
Codependency Symptoms
Codependency, as defined above, is an imbalanced relationship pattern in which one person assumes responsibility for addressing the needs of another person to the exclusion of realizing their own wants or feelings.
“Codependency is a virtuous circle in which one person requires the other, who in turn needs to be needed.” The codependent, also known as ‘the provider,’ believes they are useless unless they are required by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, also known as ‘the taker.’
Codependent relationships are thus built on an inequality of power that supports the demands of the taker while forcing the giver to continue giving, frequently at the expense of themselves. Signs of codependency, according to Dr. Mayfield and Dr. Elbert, may include some, but not necessarily all, of the following:
- To avoid disagreement with the other person, you may feel as if you are “stepping on eggshells.”
- Feeling the need to check in with the other person and/or request permission to complete daily tasks; possibly fearing their anger.
- Being the one who apologizes most of the time, even if you have done nothing wrong.
- Feeling sad for the other person, even if they have wronged you.
- Attempting to alter or rescue unstable, addicted, or under-functioning people whose issues are beyond the abilities of one person to solve.
- Anything you can do for the other person, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
- Putting someone on a pedestal despite the fact that they do not deserve it.
- A desire for others to like you in order for you to feel good about yourself.
- it’s difficult to find time for oneself, especially when you’re a parent.
Codependency effect on health
Codependency usually results in the codependent individual working so hard to care for the addicted loved one that the codependent individual’s needs are neglected, which can lead to poor health, low self-esteem, depression, and other mental and physical effects.
What is the helpful approach to resolving codependency in your relationship?
- Begin by being honest with yourself and your partner.
- Stop thinking negatively.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Take frequent rests….
- Consider getting counselling….
- Count on the help of your peers.
- Set some boundaries.
- Codependency Recovery Books
Codependent Books that are a must read for recovery
1. Codependent No More – Melody Beattie explains how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself.
Melody thinks that emotional, mental, and spiritual health are all innate qualities that cannot be taught. The only thing you can do is urge or embolden a person to do particular activities. It should come as no surprise that individuals want to live in happiness and bliss, but this is frequently easier said than done.
2. Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives
Melody outlines the five key adult symptoms of this devastating disorder before tracing their origins to childhood emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, and sexual abuse. Melody’s technique is based on the idea that the codependent adult’s harmed inner child need healing.
3. Darlene Lancer’s Codependency for Dummies
“Codependency for Dummies” is one of the most in-depth codependent books on the subject to date. It explains the history, symptoms, causes, and relationship dynamics of codependency. It contains self-assessment questionnaires and covers the history, symptoms, causes, and relationship dynamics of codependency.
4. Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Discovering Your True Self By Darlene Lancer’s
Yet another addition to codependent books by Darlene Lancer’s; Conquering Shame and Codependency throws new light on shame: how codependents’ shame feelings and beliefs shape their identity and conduct, and how shame may corrode relationships, undermining trust and love.
5. Paperback version of The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understanding, Accepting, and Breaking Free from the Codependent Cycle by Krystal Mabel
You have the option to decline. You can stop appeasing others and start setting boundaries. You are free to request whatever you require. Breaking the codependency cycle allows you to love and be loved without making sacrifices.
The Codependency Recovery Plan equips you with the tools you need to have healthy, joyful interdependent relationships. This actionable five-step approach is intended to assist you in reconnecting with yourself, asserting limits, and communicating boldly. You’ll be able to cultivate genuine intimacy.
6. Leah Clarke’s book, Courage to Cure Codependency: Healthy Detachment
The Will to Cure Avoiding codependency at all stages of a relationship will assist you in avoiding codependency. It will assist you with removing codependency from a present relationship, healing from the end of a codependent relationship, and avoiding entering a codependent relationship in the future.
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